


Guidelines to Living in the TARDIS

by Kanako_Hime



Series: Guideline Series [10]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Ariana Oswald - Freeform, Bananas, Casual Sex, F/M, Feelings, Fighting Evil Every Other Day, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hilarity Ensues, Meddling TARDIS, Multi, No Strings Attached, One-Sided Attraction, Sev the Trolling Cat Strikes Again, Sonic Screwdriver, TARDIS Library, Team TARDIS, That Rainbow Coat, The Doctor's Scarf, Wandering Ducks, silly stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 23:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9209651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanako_Hime/pseuds/Kanako_Hime
Summary: When I'm not being rocketed around to different universes, I spend my days with the Doctor. Yeah. That Doctor. Here's a guideline for how to live in the TARDIS and deal with all that wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff.Signed, Ariana Oswald





	1. Page I

  
Rule  #1   


No spoilers if you can help it

(The Doctor knows your limits in telling him)

(Don't be weak and cave)

(Like I do on occasion)

(Dammit)

 

  
Rule  #2   


Don't hide the bananas

(Bad TARDIS)

 

  
Rule  #3   


Make sure the Doctor sleeps at least twice a week

(Because any more is pushing it)

(And any less and he'll still look terrible)

 

  
Rule  #4   


No hanky-panky on the TARDIS

(Or if you really can't help yourselves)

(Please try to keep it in your rooms)

(The Doctor is refusing to go in the costume room now)

(Thanks, Ponds)

 

  
Rule  #5   


Don't call the 4th Doctor a teddy bear

(Well, not in public)

(He says it ruins his clever image)

(I didn't know he had one)

 

  
Rule  #6   


Following that, make sure the 4th Doctor's scarf is washed regularly

(It gets disgusting otherwise)

(We found a colony of bats in there last month)

(They're in the library now)

(They're pretty cool)

 

  
Rule  #7   


Don't hide the brainy-specs

(The Doctor gets cranky)

(I swear it was all Jack's idea!)

(I just went along with it at the time...)

 

  
Rule  #8   


Don't walk around the TARDIS naked

(This rule is mainly for Jack)

(And Amy and Rory)

(Bloody Ponds)

 

  
Rule  #9   


Replace the 5th Doctor's celery at the end of each day

(Rotting veg is a crappy look)

(And he stunk)

(No hugs that week)

 

  
Rule  #10   


Don't diss cricket

(He's a tad obsessed about it)


	2. Chapter 2

  
Rule  #11   


The Rainbow Coat is not to be desecrated

(By 'accidental' spills or otherwise)

 

  
Rule  #12   


Following the previous rule, ask to borrow the coat

(I was cold, he left it lying around)

(I have to agree with Peri, it looks like clown vomit)

(Cosy though)

 

  
Rule  #13   


When the Doctor is in Oncoming Storm mode, defuse ASAP

(Having a repeat of Platform 1 is not acceptable)

 

  
Rule  #14   


When hanging out in Victorian London, keep clear of Charles Dickens

(He might be an amazing writer)

(But his hands wander far too much)

(Fricking perv)

 

  
Rule  #15   


Kicking a Dalek isn't advisable

(Doesn't do shit except hurt your foot)

(And possibly annoy the Dalek)  
(I can never tell with those guys)

 

  
Rule  #16   


The Doctor can dance, shut up about it already

(It's just 9 is a little shy about it)

(Resonate concrete)

(Pft)

 

  
Rule  #17   


The Doctor doesn't like people knowing he cries, don't press the issue

(Seriously)

(Don't)

 

  
Rule  #18   


Stand clear when the Doctor's regenerating

(That shit hurts if you've got a front-row seat)

 

  
Rule  #19   


Stop poking the Doctor in his chin

(And ears)

(And forehead)

(It hurts his feelings)

 

  
Rule  #20   


If the Doctor needs a cuddle, give it to him

(He needs the comfort)

(Don't be a bitch, Harry!)


	3. Page III

 Rule  #21

 

River and Amy are forbidden to shoot any more of the Doctor's hats

(He gets traumatised and we have to take him to therapy)

(Where he, in turn, traumatises the therapist)

(Why me, universe?)

 

Rule  #22

When the girls are changing, Jack is to stay away from the Wardrobe room!

(And when the boys are too. come to think of it)

(I love the guy, but he's too one-track-minded for my tastes) 

 

Rule  #23

For the last time Jack, stop flirting with the enemy

(Particularly if they're chasing us)

(With weapons of death and whatnot)

(Damn stupid man)

 

Rule  #24

Before going on adventures, make sure everyone's had a potty break

(I mean, we're all comfortable around each other and all)

(It's just to avoid accidents when we're in jail)

(Plus Jack gets way too happy when someone's butt is on display)

(Friggin' Yank)

  
Rule  #25

When the 1st Doctor is having his nap, please keep the noise down 

(His lectures are unbearable)

(And remind me of a pissed Dumbledore)

(Urk)

  
Rule  #26

Don't fix the Chameleon Circuit 

(I get it's to help us blend in)

(But that thing has led to some embarrassing situations)

(Shudder)

  
Rule  #27

Never change a fixed point in time

(Come on, this had to get on here eventually)

(Should've told Rose before that mess last week)

(Oops)

  
Rule  #28

Leave Jamie's kilt alone

(It's part of his culture)

(And he has no boxers underneath)

(So you end up looking like a giant pervert)

(Not my fault I didn't know that!)

  
Rule  #29

Following the previous rule, there is one main clothes wash on a Saturday and two/three others in the week as required

(Once a week wasn't working anymore)

(And now I've a legit reason to rip clothes off people)

(Sadly, so does Jack)

(And Clara)

(Maybe I should introduce them...) 

  
Rule  #30

Games night is to be kept clean

(Which means no starting a fight if you lose)

(I'm looking at YOU, Clara!)


End file.
